


Messed Up

by xCutexnialler



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 07:54:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6602863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xCutexnialler/pseuds/xCutexnialler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn's Life was all messed up. </p>
<p>And it was due to HIM....</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But did he hate HIM????</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He did not know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Messed Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nupur](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Nupur), [Alena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alena/gifts).



> Hey Guys!! So for any of you who did not know, THIS is my first time writing a smut one shot on my own. So, tell me what you think. It is kind of sad and depressing but it gets better ;)
> 
> Drop in some comments as feedback, and some kudos will be appreciated!
> 
> Have fun Ya Nasties!!!!
> 
> JUST KIDDING!
> 
> Love y'all. Bye
> 
> -Radhika/ xCutexNialler

~~~~~~~~~~~

~Zayn's POV~

The alley was cold, and Zayn could hear something dripping in the corner. He hated coming here, and yet this was his third trip this week. He had this nagging feeling and tried to remind himself: _this was all for him._

By him, he meant the man who changed his life. _He truly did_ thought Zayn, but not in a very pleasant way. Maybe associating with him was all he had wanted all his life. But now that he had gotten it, he wasn't so sure about if he wanted out or not.

Panic and anxiety overwhelmed his senses, but there was also hate for that one person, _him,_  and self-loathing for his own inability to stop it. He was confused and scared, but also determined. To do what? He did not yet know.

As he stepped inside the alleyway, he got this nagging feeling back again. And one thing that Zayn knew, was to trust his senses. _Because they were always right_. And he hated that. Sometimes, he hated being right. As he neared the corpse of _his dead friend_ , he sighed, as panic filled him once again and he read the piece of paper out loud.

"He drank himself to death, or so they will think. Tell him I said Hi" He read out, in a quiet whisper, as the person on the other side of his earpiece muttered profanities and told Zayn to send them a picture of the piece of paper.

_Three people_ he thought, to himself again. Three people had died in the past week. Every time in this alley. And every time he felt it was due to him. His own self.

He felt sad, and even though they were only people that he hardly knew, _they were still people._ He liked to think that it wasn't his fault, but deep inside, he knew it was. The blonde haired Irishman had tried to convince him that it wasn't, but he didn't believe it.

_He will be mad_ Zayn quietly whispered to himself, and decided that he wanted to be out and at the old place he called home.

His house was cold and empty when he returned. He had been steadily growing lonelier throughout the week as his acquaintances met their tragic ends. All he knew was, now there were only four of them left, including himself. He shuddered to think about it and then resolved to make a fire, if only for the figment of company it would provide.

As he set to shifting the long-dead coals that still sat in the fireplace,  he was hardly able to remember the last time it was used. The box of fire starters they kept on the mantle was coated in a thick layer of dust. He arranged the kindling and struck a match, gazing intently at its lone flame before igniting the fire starter.

Zayn had always hated this house. Within it, he felt as if he were another person entirely. He only continued to live there because this place was easily accessible by _him._

As he thought more and more about the person he had become, the more he realised that his life had kind of taken a turn in the wrong direction. He had always wanted to be that cool kid in high school. But now that he finally was deep into this business, he wanted out.

This was the first time that he had ever recognized his need for wanting out. It was like this deep, dark suffocating feeling. Sure, it had been easy money, at first, but now with everyone close to him being murdered, _by_   _his own flesh and blood,_ he felt bad for them. He knew that he would have to tell him, _the person he dreaded the most_ sooner or later, so he set out to meet that person.

He decided that he hated this place. He had thought about it before, and there were certainly none of his own materials in the house. Everything was by _him._ With that, before he put out the fire, he poked it and blazed it. Grabbing a few logs and putting them on the carpet, he waited for most of the room to catch before calmly walking out of the house and calling his friends from his cellphone.

By the time they were there, most of the house was on fire. But they knew better than to question what he had done and why. Zayn was fuming, and he knew that they wanted out as much as his own self. But he asked. Of course he asked.

"Guys, I want out" He had said, to which Louis looked at him as if he was crazy, but sighed just moments later and visibly relaxed a little. Zayn was confused at first, but then he saw it. 

_Harry's hand on his thigh._

and Zayn sighed. _Very loudly._

"Guys, I want out" He repeated himself, to which Niall looked at him sadly.

"It's not that easy Zaynie" He had said, but Zayn knew how he wanted to do it

"I don't fucking care Niall. I just want out of this business. Honestly, what were we even thinking? That killing people for money would be fun. _NO._ It's not funny anymore, okay. The day that I had a gun pulled to my head, was the day I knew that this was the worst choice of my life. And I regret it. The least I can do is ask him to get me out. And I will try" He had said, letting all his feelings out and scaring everyone with his ambitious self.

"What do you think Zayn? Huh? That he will just be like 'Okay, you got my friend killed, you can go now'. Is this what you think? He will be ready to slit our throats, okay. And I pray to god that it isn't you who is the next one on the missing list." Louis had said.

They'll see it this time, he thought as he waited for them to arrive . They thought he was crazy, but now they'll see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Liam's POV~

Revenge can be a terrible thing, spreading death and destruction across nations and generations. But in the eyes of a single man, it can be a strangely beautiful thing that takes a firm grip at that dark place just behind the heart.

The moment Zayn had told Liam that he wanted out, he had screamed. Yes. The deadly Liam Payne had screamed. Not because he was angry. _Because he was fucking sad._

Yes. He was sad. Because he had feelings for Zayn. And the fact that Zayn had just confessed to _hating Liam_ was something that he would never be able to forget. And that made him want to scream.

After he had calmed down though, Liam said yes. He said yes, but on one condition. _Only if they would kill the murderer of his friend._

Every single friend of his was like his blood, that his body needed to function. Too bad him and Zayn couldn't be anything more.

~~~~~~~

He had felt the vengeance brooding every waking moment for the past seven weeks—and often in his dreams, too. It festered his soul, eating away at what remained of his sanity.  

He would have revenge for his friend's death, but it would have to be well executed. And so he waited, pretending to grow close to the man he knew killed his brother.

Nathan was scum in the form of a man. He was a stain upon the Earth that needed to be erased before it did any more damage. He was a low-life thief and drug dealer who had stabbed his friend for the few dollars he had in his pocket that night. But more importantly, _for the rivalry._

Liam, Zayn and his gang had gained Nathan's admiration by discretely tipping him off to an incoming raid, an act that had only made the dark burden he carried weigh heavier. But soon he would be free of that burden. He would still carry the guilt of killing a man, but it would be a lesser weight than allowing scum like Nathan to live.

It was a cold night when Liam and Zayn invited Nathan in for a drink. Dark clouds obscured the stars and the moon, and a fierce breeze whistled through the streets. The swine accepted, clearly having already indulged himself.

It was a simple matter for Zayn to steal a little of the drug dealer's product as he escorted the man in. When they arrived at Liam's manor, he offered his guest a choice of drinks.

"Whatever's strong, my friend," he replied with a slur.

"I have just the thing." Liam fixed his guest a very dark rum, which had been aging for quite a while, on the rocks. He added in the drugs he had stolen, and swirled the drink to dissolve the fine powder. Then he fixed a scotch for himself.

Nathan downed half of his drink and then peered at it with a look of distaste on his face. Zayn and Liam looked at each other for a moment, before quickly offered a toast before their guest could comment on it.

"To your continued business success," they raised their glasses and the drug dealer did the same with an understanding grin.

Nathan finished his drink with a tremendous gulp and then sat back in his chair looking content. They said nothing, and after a moment, their guest began to fall asleep. Zayn and Liam slowly finished their drinks while they waited for the drugs to tear through the man's system.

Zayn placed his empty glass on the table and rose from his chair right as the other man began to retch in his sleep. Removing the handkerchief from his shirt pocket, Liam covered the man's mouth, suffocating him.

When their guest finally stopped moving, Liam and Zayn dragged him into the street and deposited the body around the corner.

Liam Payne burned his handkerchief when he returned, and as the flames consumed it and the ash slowly blew away, he felt the weight on his soul lessen.

~~~~~~

A lot had happened in the months after that murder, that Zayn and Liam were partners in crime with. Zayn was out of the business, and Liam was in too fucking deep.

Liam had called Zayn to meet him at the park outside his apartment today. The fact that only his rivals knew his face was very helpful in him going out on any rare occasions.

As he sat on an abandoned swing and gently swung, he thought about his confession speech.

~Zayn's POV~

As I neared Liam, I thought about what I had in my mind.

_I want to tell him. Tell him I love him._

But I was scared. Scared of rejection. Scared of the fact that I might make him angry.

Zayn thought about how Liam had changed over the past few months. How he had become more gentle towards me.

"Zayn" Liam said, nodding at him.

"You wanted to talk" Zayn says, nervous. But as he looks into Liam's eyes, he sees the same nervousness.

"Yeah, I-I know it will sound weird, but bear with me, okay" Liam says, and Zayn puts his arm around Liam's strong frame, hoping to calm Li down. And that worked, because Liam visibly calmed down.

"Okay, all I'm gonna say is, You have no idea how sorry I am for being mean to you-" Liam started but Zayn sighed and said

"We are not having this conversation right now. I have told you so many times. I forgive y-"

"Ya bitch, I said hear me out and don't interrupt" Liam said, with a smile, shaking his head, but glaring at him the same time. To be honest, he looked like a lost bulldog.

"Fine" Zayn huffed and crossed his arms over his chest

"Okay, I was saying. Zayn, I am a really awkward person. And I know I was really mean, but there's a reason. A really messed up one. I-I Love y-you Zayn" He said, and Zayn smiled into space. He had zoned out and only came back into reality when Liam hit him on his shoulder.

"Shocked, huh?" Liam said, looking down in disappointment.

"I love you too" Zayn said

"What?" Liam had said, really confused, but also hoping that this was true.

"I love ya Liam. More than you can imagine, and more than you can think of" He said, and Liam just kinda leaned in, smiling and let Zayn handle the kissing part. 

He flashbacked to that time, for some odd reason. The time he wanted it all to end. And he shuddered at the thought, but that only caused Liam to hold him even closer.

_And at that moment, Zayn wished that that day, he hadn't wore his seatbelt. Or hadn't looked before he crossed the road. Maybe would have sat calmly in his car while that truck came towards him at 80 m/hr. Not because he wanted to die, but because he didn't care if he lived anymore._

And that's when he noticed: Liam's lips were so soft and plush against Zayn's chapped and rough ones. He loved the taste of Liam's lips on his own.

_They were like his drug, that he was oh so sure he could never get enough of._

~~~~~~~~~

**MONTHS LATER**

~Liam's POV~ 

Liam was sitting across the road, on a bench, in front of Zayn's apartment, the cold January air causing his breath to go white as he watched Zayn talk on the phone in the kitchen. He didn't do this often, pull an Edward Cullen and sit outside his boyfriend's apartment and watch him but, fuck, today he just needs it.

He was going to break up with Zayn today.

Not because Liam wants to or anything, god no, it was just too dangerous. He couldn't- He didn't want Zayn get hurt because they were too involved. He needs to shut down the selfish part of him, the part that screams at him to just take his Zaynie and run and hide away from everyone and everything to be with him and instead listen to the rational part of him, the part that tells him that he is in too deep, and should cut off all connections before it's too late.

Liam takes a deep breath in before walking over to Zayn's apartment door, knocking on the door softly. Zayn opens it with a big grin, ushering him inside.

"It's freezin' out there love." Zayn greets him as he shut the door. "Hope you didn't sit out there for too long."

Liam shakes his head, biting his lip. "Look, Zayn, we need to talk."

"Really?" Zayn smirks, coming closer and putting his warm hands on Liam's waist, pulling him closer and resting their foreheads together. "Because I can think of something else we can do with our lips that would be a lot more enjoyable, and would burn wayy more calories" He waggles his eyebrows cheekily and Liam can't help but laugh.

"Z, I'm serious." He says but he lets himself rest his head.

"Is it about you breaking up with me?" Zayn asks in a causal voice, like they were talking about the weather or something.

Liam starts trying to splutter out a reply. "What- how did you-?" He asks and Zayn shrugs.

"Babe, I know you." He says in a soft voice. "And I know that you don't want to and that you think you're protecting me but guess what? Nothing bad has happened to me in months."

"But that doesn't mean something isn't going to happen!" Liam protests loudly before lowering his voice to a whisper. "I just want to protect you."

"Then do it from beside me Li." Zayn whispers softly, their lips close enough that they brush with every movement. "Don't try and play the martyr card sunshine. Stay. I'll help ya outta the business. But stay."

Liam bites his lip. He wants to more than anything but... "What if you get hurt?" He whispers in a soft voice. It would kill him if Zayn got hurt because of him.

"Then you'll have to patch me up for once." He says like it's not big deal. "I'm a big boy Li, I can take care of myself." Zayn says, referring to the several times he has patched Liam up after a fight, or after a job well done.

It wasn't that Liam actually wants to leave Zayn, so it's not a hard decision to make. "Fuck, Zayn," Liam breaks, quite easily. "I couldn't leave you if I tried." He admits in a small whispers.

"Me too." Zayn laughs, kissing him softly.

The kiss turns from soft to hard and dirty quickly, especially when Liam's hands move from Zayn's hips down to his ass, squeeze it gently while Zayn moans into his mouth, hands tangling into his hair tightly before being forced by his boyfriend to walk backwards, hitting the bed and falling into it, Liam on top.

The two boys move up the bed, getting more comfortable before Liam goes back to straddling Zayn with a grin on his face as he looks down at Zayn.

How could he ever think he could give him up?

They kiss a bit more, Liam grinding down on Zayn, before he flips them over so that Zayn is on top, straddling Liam.

And Liam likes it.

Zayn leans down, hands steadying himself on Liam's chest as he does so, kissing him slowly as he moves his hips in a circle, grinding down on Liam who tightens his grip on Zayn's waist. "Fuck, you look so hot like this." Liam groans out when Zayn moves down to his neck, leaving as many marks as he can. "Wonder what you would look like riding my cock." He breathes out, making Zayn moan loudly. Liam had a fucking way with words in bed, driving Zayn crazy with a simple sentence.

"Fuck, babe, want to." He whines out, moving his hips quicker. They hadn't gone that far yet (the full on butt thing, as Harry so lovingly called it) but they had talked about it before (Zayn tried to not cringe at the embarrassing thought).

"L-love." Liam grunts out after a particularly good grind down. "There's lube and condoms in the bedside table i-if you want to."

Zayn moans and leans over to get them (god he was so on board with this), giving Liam the perfect opportunity to start marking up his neck. He kisses Zayn's sweet spot as Zayn blindly searches for the bottle and wrapper before finally finding them (Liam was too good at finding Zayn's sweet spot) and going back to his spot in Liam's lap with a grin. He puts the stuff next to Liam before stripping off his shirt and Liam's eyes automatically rake down his chest.

Liam feathers his fingers over the tattoo on his lover's chest, the one he loves the most, the arabic one. _Oh how he loves Zayn's abs_ He thinks to himself before sitting up to, so their faces are close together and tugs off his own shirt, throwing it somewhere else in his room before laying back down with a lazy grin. "Gonna make me do all the work?" Zayn asks and Liam just grins up at him still, winking.

"Dunno, thought maybe I'd have a nice nap- ow!" Liam yells when Zayn pinches his nipple before lower his mouth to it with a grin, tongue flicking over it lightly before he clamps his mouth down on it, gently playing with it as he grinds his hips down as best he can with the awkward angle. "F-fuck Z."

Zayn grins, pulling back before shimming down Liam's body and to his pants, tugging them down with the boxers in one swift motion before taking his own off and before he realises it, Liam's rolled them over and he's on top now. "Wanna prep you underneath me." He whispers in Zayn's ear breathlessly, letting his hips grind down, their bare dicks brushing up against each other, causing both to moan. "Love the way you look underneath me babe." He says, grinding down again as he grabs the bottle of lube, putting a generous amount on his fingers before moving them so he can reach down to Zayn's hole. "This ok?" Liam whispers against his lips, an honest look in his eyes as his fingers hover at Zayn's entrance.

"Babe if you don't put your fingers in my now, I'll get off by myself." Zayn threatens, trying to push back on his fingers.

"Fuck, next time." Liam says, pushing his first finger in to the first knuckle. "Would love to see you jerk off." He says, slowly working the finger in. There's a bit of pain but Zayn focuses on the pleasure and Liam's voice. "Wanna hear all the sounds you make." He breaths out. "Do you think about me?"

Zayn nods, letting out a moan as Liam moves his finger faster, curling it a bit, searching for that one spot. "Think about you fucking me so hard I can't walk the next day, covered in your marks. I think about your sexy moans, Liam"

Liam's hand on his waist tightens at that and both of them know that there'll be a bruise there tomorrow and fuck if that doesn't make Liam moan, especially when a second finger is added, and he explores his lover's intimates.

They continue like that until Zayn is a breathless moaning mess beneath Liam as he fucks three of his fingers into Zayn. "Still want to ride me?" Liam whispers filthily in Zayn's ear, tugging on the lobe of it with his teeth.

"Fuck, yeah." Zayn nods and all of a sudden, his view changes and he's sitting on Liam's chest, his hands steadying him on Liam. He grabs the condom, ripping it open with slightly shaky hands before slipping it onto Liam and using the hand to get Liam's dick to the entrance of his hole when he lifts his hips up. He slowly sinks down on it, stopping at certain points when it feels like to too much because, fuck, he's kinda huge.

"Y-you ok?" Liam moans, trying to stop himself from fucking up into Zayn's tight heat.

Zayn nods, bottoming out with a moan. He waits a few moments before wiggling his hips, causing Liam's grip on his waist to tighten as he grins. "Like that?" He asks, doing it again and causing Liam to moan. Zayn lifts himself up, before dropping back down again slowly and then wiggling his hips again. He keeps doing that, faster and faster and then suddenly Liam bends his knees and his dick slides in just right, hitting that certain spot and causing Zayn to moan out his name loudly. "Liam, babe, there." He whines, quickening his pace and Liam thrust his hips up to meet him halfway.

Zayn's moaning and pant above him loudly now, dick bobbing as he moves quickly, red and so so hard and then Liam gets a hand around it, fuck, Zayn's gone after a couple strokes, emptying himself across Liam's chest as he fucks up into him, chasing his own release. He gets it a couple seconds later, tensing up and coming into the condom.

~Zayn's POV~

"You look like a mess Z." Liam giggles a few moments later, pulling out of Zayn and causing both of them to wince at the over sensitivity and Liam takes off the condom, tying it off and tossing it in the trash.

"Yeah well I just had sex so." Zayn says bluntly as he rolls off of Liam, getting comfy on the soft bed. He can feel his bones melting into the bed, eyes dropping. Liam rolls out of the bed, causing Zayn to pout and open his eyes, looking over at him. "Where are you going? Sex means more sex-cuddles. I demand to be cuddled Liam."

Liam laughs, quickly kissing him on the forehead. "Just gonna go get a warm cloth to clean us up then I'll be right back babe. I wouldn't pass up cuddles with you for anything."

Zayn nods, satisfied with his answer as Liam ducks out into the hall and over to the bathroom to get a wash cloth and he's back in moments, gently wiping Zayn down before tossing it in his dirty clothes pile and climbing back into bed beside him. Zayn automatically wraps his body around Liam, head on his chest and making a happy noise.

"You're happy." Liam mumbles, handing petting through Zayn's hair and causing him to make another happy noise.

"M'always happy." Zayn protests softly.

Liam kisses his forehead. "Happier than usual then."

"I just lost my virginity to probably the best boyfriend ever so yeah, I'm kinda ecstatic." Zayn mutters, face going pink at the admission that he was a virgin before all... That.

"You were-" Liam starts to say in a surprised voice.

"Don't have many opportunities to get rid of it, in case you never noticed." Zayn says in a clipped voice.

Liam frowns at his sudden mood change. "Sunshine, you know I didn't mean it like that." He kisses the top of his head again as Zayn settles back next to him.

"I know, sorry." Zayn says softly. "S'just embarrassing. I'm almost 18 and I just lost it."

"I wish I waited till you." Liam admits in a very small voice. "I love you Z."

Zayn grins against Liam's neck, looking up at him. "I love you too babe." He says in a fond voice, leaning up to kiss Liam softly.

It didn't matter in that moment, what Zayn had to do to get Liam outta the business,  all that mattered was that Zayn loves Liam and Liam loves him back. That was all that mattered to him right then and there.

 


End file.
